Saturday, September 17, 2005

it is not cruel, it is art

People tell us it is cruel but we cry NO! it is art. They pick the wax from our kittens eyebrows and chastise us for our reticent behaviours. They do not understand the fine details that goes into kitten topiary. But that is fine. Every great artist is misunderstood in their own time. We will refuse to skulk with our sculptured kittens. We will not hide away in draughty apartments crouched over typewriters, bemoaning the lack of recognition.

Oh no!

We shall take our kittens on leads on the tubes. They will wink great hairy eyebrows at the commuters who will shudder in their briefcases at this lewd intrusion into their daily routine. No one wants to be perved upon by a sculptured kitten. But Great Art makes people uncomfortable! we cry. No wonder you people don't understand!

We will have the sculpted kittens front our gigs and offer them microphones and casiotones with which to amuse their sticky paws. They will leave griity litterbox prints all over the keys but that, my friend, is the price you pay for fame.

The kittens will DJ friday nights on boombox record players. As they do so, we will transform our space into a veritable salon, snipping away throughout their set with power tools and safety glasses. We will use the circular saw carefully, tiny tufts of kitten fringe flying through the air.

People wil tell us this is cruel. We will cry NO! it is genius.

We will stick kittens on the pages of our books and the walls of our toilets for bored would-be graffiti artists to concentrate on as they ease their constipation with endless burritos. We will stack them under the books in our library, frame them in our galleries.

Framed kittens! The ideal accoutrement for any home. We will sell them at five pounds ninety nine a piece. We will sign them with flourishing signatures and sneak into the world’s great art galleries to hang them on the walls, subtly, between Picasso and Matisse. They will not remain unnoticed for long. There will be a plaintive purring through the quiet white washed church atmosphere. Security guards will flock to the room to see a great wall of kitten frames yelping for freedom.

They will try to arrest us. Animal welfare people will denounce us in newspapers all across the country. That is fine. We too must suffer for our genius.

You must understand
it is art.

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